confession

In my Google reader, I had 393 unread blog posts...and I just hit the dreaded "Mark All as Read" button.

Yes, I did it.

Somehow, the daunting task of catching up on every single one of my fave blogs from the last few weeks made me feel even more loser-y than I felt before logging on. So I just gave up.

What can I say? I suck.

I know I recently posted and claimed that I was back and into the swing of things and would be blogging again at a fiery pace that you wouldn't be able to handle.

I totally lied.

Truthfully, I don't know what it is. Maybe it's Hubs and I both being unemployed that has my creative juices swimming around in the toilet. Maybe it's that I've sent out countless resumes and only had 2 interviews, both of which were for jobs that turned out to be completely wrong for me. Maybe it's that I have all these ideas in my head of what I want to do with my life and NONE of them are happening.

(By the way, invitations are not required to join in my pity party. Just come on in whenever you want. I have cookies.)

Between catching up on True Blood and watching Real Housewives of New Jersey episodes, I've been quit busy avoiding this blog altogether. Perhaps I'm afraid that along with mine and Hubs jobs, my readers are going to reject me, too. And really, that would be intolerable.

I would like to tell you that I'm back to blogging every single day, but I don't want to disappoint. So let's just start with this, shall we?

I promise to blog today. :)

And because television and movies seem to be my expertise these days, I'll post a list on that topic. Off we go...


Kim's Top 10 Movies To Watch Over and Over and Over Again:


Wedding Crashers- Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson. Comic genius. Lock it up.


Sleepless in Seattle/You've Got Mail: Two movies, but essentially the same idea, so they count as one. Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks just get me every single time. I love the dialogue in these films (especially You've Got Mail) and the effortlessness of the stories. I fall in love with the characters, I root for them to get together, and I love the comic timing that Tom Hanks constantly delivers. It just doesn't get any better.

(Hubs secretly loves these movies too, though you'll never get him to admit it. That's like giving away your right to have testicles or something.)

Father of the Bride I and II: Regardless of the type of day I'm having, Steve Martin always lifts my spirits. And because both of these films center around the life changing events that have and someday will be occurring in my own life, I connect with them even more. Plus, I love to watch Steve Martin get in a way-too-tiny tuxedo and sing "What's New Pussy Cat". It doesn't get better.

Sex and the City: The Movie: Did you really think I would forget this? Puh-lease. But don't get me wrong, it's not only the fashion and blatant sexual references that I love about this movie. More importantly, it's the story of friendship and how in the face of any problem, danger, or pitfall, your friends will always be there for you. Aside from Jennifer Hudson's atrocious acting abilities, this movie is a gem. A really expensive, Louis Vuitton covered gem.

Superbad: If it wasn't for Hubs, I never would have seen this movie. I had absolutely no desire to watch a fat kid with an afro walk around high school dropping f-bombs and talking about the quality of porn production. Thankfully, Hubs is a smart man and made me watch it. Now, a quote from this film comes from my lips at least three times a day. And for the record, McLovin looks exactly like Hubs if he was super skinny and wore glasses. I find it sexy.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Once again, another film I owe entirely to Hubs. I didn't even know this movie existed until Hubs rented it and forced me to pay attention. As an added bonus, if it wasn't for this film, I never would have realized the comic genius and sexy swagger of Russell Brand. Oooh la la. Come to mama. This is a great film, unless you just got dumped, in which case wait a few weeks until you're feeling more sarcastic and angry. Then it's perfect.

The Muppets Take Manhattan: No, I'm not joking. The music, the crazy animals, the ridiculously bad 80's fashion. Amazing. I love this film with all that I am, and it never gets old. The scene when Miss Piggy and Joan Rivers do each others make-up is solely responsible for my teen addiction to red lipstick and blue eye shadow.

Gone With the Wind: Not all of these films are going to be made in present day, people. Have some respect for the elders. Gone with the Wind is by far my favorite film of all time. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and check it out. You can probably get it free at the public library.

Because this film is centered around a lesser known group of people (the Yankees) it provides a look at that time and place from a completely different view. People in the South were still people. Perhaps a bit misguided in their beliefs, but people all the same. And while Gone With the Wind is mostly a story about a spoiled brat with too much time on her hands, it is also the story of a nation split right down the middle...and how it finds a way to heal.


Requiem For a Dream: This film doesn't so much fit in with the comedies and love stories I've mentioned so far, but that doesn't make it any less amazing. It's not easy to make a film about teh dangers of addiction without getting cheesy, but Requiem For a Dream delivers that haunting yet ever-important message without blinking an eye.

With stellar performances from Ellyn Burstyn and Jennifer Connely, I have gone through many a Kleenex box witnessing this film. Though not an easy movie to sit through, it holds a mirror up to a lot of societies issues: drugs, eating disorders, and the need to be somebody. I think every 8th grade class should be forced to watch it. "The War on Drugs" and "Dare" campaigns certainly aren't doing the job.

Young Frankenstein: Aaaand, we're back to comedy. I love Mel Brooks. I worship Mel Brooks. The guy knows how to deliver a punchline and turn any serious movie into a total and complete goof. He paved the way for the "Scary Movies" and "Date Movies" that are all the rage now, but he did it 10 times better with both arms tied behind his back.

Young Frankenstein has more one liners and zingers than I could ever hope to know what to do with. And as a bonus, Madeline Kahn is one of the most hilarious women to ever work in Hollywood. If you haven't seen this hilarious take on Frankenstein, you don't know what you're missing.

****

Ta da! Whew...I'm kind of spent. Not blogging for three weeks will do that to you, apparently.

I can't promise I'll be back tomorrow (remember, I'm easing back into this), but hopefully I will. I still have a giveaway to take care of!

Have a wonderful Thursday, bloggies!

current stats

All numbers are approximate:

199- Number of unread blog entries I currently have in my Google reader.

10- Number of voicemails I have yet to return.

293- Number of friends I have failed to email/call/comment on their blogs/write on their Facebook walls in the last week.

8- Number of new blog followers I have that haven't even been able to read one new blog entry from me.

7- Number of resumes I have sent out in search of employment

9,345- Number of resumes I should have sent out in search of employment,(barring applications to Burger King, Taco Bell, McDonalds, Lowe's, Home Depot and KFC.)

3- Number of bills that I'm wondering if I can pay

29- Number of times per day I curse the economy and health care system.

3- Number of days last week I was able to kick back, relax and enjoy a beautiful wedding.

12,459- Number of apologies I owe for being the worst absent blogger on the planet. No worries, though. I'm back...and I've got lots to talk about.

I have an awkward story for today, but I doubt I'll have time to get it posted, so it might just be late and show up on Wednesday.

(ACK! GASP! Totally Awkward Tuesday is going to show up on Wednesday? Can she do that? Is that allowed? Will she get in trouble?)

(Probably not. What's the worst that can happen? Well...I guess you, my lovely readers, could fire me off of your Google reader. But please don't, I've already been fired once this year. I can't take it again.)

In other news, I've officially gone 48 hours without caffeine.

In other other news, my head is officially about to explode. I'm off to Quiktrip for a huge Dr. Pepper and the end of my will power as I know it.

swapping blogs is way better than swapping spit

Yesterday's BlogSwap went swimmingly well. I met a lot of new readers who were kind enough to comment on both Alissa's and my story.

(In addition, I shared the most humiliating experience of my life, and you all supported me. Cheers to you!)

This BlogSwap was certainly everything and more than I thought it would be. With that beng said, I definitely want to do it again. Any takers?


If you're interested in participating in a BlogSwap with me (or Alissa for that matter) let us know. Shoot us an email at the appropriate address easily located on our handy dandy side bars and we'll talk.

Also, don't forget my first give away is coming up any day now. I'm almost done writing out the info on it, so keep checking back.

In the meantime, if you found me yesterday via the BlogSwap, feel free to follow me to stay up to date on all the latest goodies. You never know when another embarassing poop story might make it's way onto these pages.

BlogSwap: The Alissa Edition

Hello Kim's gorgeous readers! How are you this lovely Tuesday?

I'm Alissa from Grace's Birdcage blog and I'm very excited about this BlogSwap (Kim's official term) but also nervous. Because you see, Kim's a freaking fabulous, funny writer. I'm fabulous at posting lots of pretty pictures with random ill-composed thoughts. But I want to make Kim proud and attempt to write.

"It's called reading, top to bottom, left to right, put words together to make a sentence." First paragraph and I've quoted Tommy Boy. So we're off to a good start?

I wanted to go along with the Awkward Tuesday/TMI Thursday el themo. The thing is, I'm not sure I get embarrassed easily enough.

There was:

-Time I could be spotted running down a car-filled stree at at 5:45 am in a schoolgirl's outfit.

- Time I was trying to climb a bunk-bed and my friend pulled my dress up over my head, revealing a nice choice of hot pink underwear to about 17 acquaintances/strangers.

-Time I got my hand stuck in an elevator door and almost crushed my bones ina panic vs. pressing the "door open" button like some might have done.

But, for whatever reason, I don't find these moments that embarrassing. I find the fact that I can't spell embarrassing far worse than most of those.

(Holy cow. Longest post I've ever written and we aren't even to the goods yet!)

OK. So what I find most embarrassing from college (which is where like, 98% of most embarrassing stories come from, no?) is a more than a single event, but more of a series..a series I like to call 'dating'.

Dating Embarrassment Numero Uno:

This is one of those situations that while you're dating this individual, things don't seem that 'off''. But later? Wow.

Numero Uno and I have been dating for a month or so. He lives in the basement of a house near campus he shares with like, 18 of his very closest friends. One of these friends convinces Uno to go in on a business venture with him. This business venture is to get paid by a pet shop to raise 'pets' from babies to a sellable age. Which could be cute if they were puppies or hamsters. A few days later, Uno's basement living space suddenly has a tank of eels in it. And piranhas. And some other weird fish. I'm not sure if you've ever had the pleasant experience of being around animals like this in a concrete air-tight basement, but I'm going to let you in on a secret: they smell.

Some time passes, and I'm getting frustrated by this situation. I mean, you go over to watch a movie with someone and you're sitting next to a tank. Of eels. This is not romantic, fellas. But the final straw was when the seven baby chickens arrived. Supposedly they were a 'special rare breed.' Bu the babies grew into full sized chickens. In Uno's bedroom. Really.

Don't worry, the relationship quickly ended.

I realize that you've probably lost some respect for my taste and judgment, but I promise you, things have drastically improved. I married tall, dark and handsome neat-freak that shares my dislike for animals in tanks.

****

There you have it, bloggies! The first official BlogSwap is complete.

Alissa's fabulous story will forever be remembered as the first in a long line of swaps.

(Or at least, here's hoping.)

I'd love to do a swap once a week or at least every two weeks, so if you would like to participate, just hit me up at kim {dot} antisdel {dot} gmail {dot} com.

Now leave some comment love and then head over to Alissa's blog and read my story.

(Once I get it up. I may or may not have opted to watch "He's Not That Into You" rather than write my entry last night. I'm on it right now, though!)

let's take a little trip

All right, bloggies. Tomorrow is a special day! Just like Field Trip day in middle school.

(Minus the permission slips.)

(And minus the bumpy bus ride with your boyfriend secretly feeling you up holding your hand in the last seat on the left. No? Just me?)

Anyways...

Tomorrow, please be sure to come and visit me over at Alissa's lovely little blog.

Her blog is right here, you can't miss it.

This will be my first guest post ever and I'm way pumped. I love to do guest posts, so if you ever feel the need to go on a bloggy vacation, feel free to shoot me a line and let me know you need a guest poster.)

(Just know that I might say bad words on your blog.)

In addition to reading my post over at Alissa's blog, you can also read Alissa's post on this blog tomorrow!

This is officially called a BlogSwap.

(Because, you know, I officially made it up.)

My post tomorrow will be the of the much anticipated Awkward Tuesday variety. But really, it fits right in with TMI Thursday, too.

Trust me, you don't want to miss it.

It is the story of literally the most embarrassing moment of my life.

(If I know you IRL, you already know what it is.)

In fact, I severely debated whether I would actually be able to share it without the assistance of illegal narcotics.

(But then I remembered ever time I get drunk I tell it anyway, so really there's nothing stopping me.)

So please, tomorrow go see Alissa and give my story some bloggy lover-love. And leave lots of comments because I will need moral support after sharing such a traumatic tale.

I'm already breaking out in hives thinking about it...

And of course, please stay tuned to this blog for Alissa's post. Not a clue what she's writing about, but she's way funnier than me, so you're in for a treat regardless.

Let the swap begin!

reason #4622 to love being married: letting it all out

(sitting on the sofa with Hubs watching a "True Blood" marathon.)

Me: God I love this show. I might even like it better than the books because...(tummy gurgles)...uh...because I-

(toot toot tooooooot tooot tooooooooot)

Hubs: (slowly turns head toward me) Oh. My. God.

Me: (sheepishly looking away) Oops. Sorry.

Hubs: Seriously, babe? That was wet. You should maybe go wipe.

Me: (slapping Hubs' arm) Ew!! It was not! It was just a little excess air. It's from the black beans in Chipotle earlier.

Hubs: (scrunching nose in extreme distaste) GROSS! Oh my God that smells!

Me: (smugly) Whatever. My toots smell like roses.

Hubs: (plugging his nose) Yeah. Roses dipped in shit.

TMI Thursdays: Chop chop chop

Yesterday was TMI Thursday, and since I didn't get this posted in time, I guess it's technically TMI Friday.

Tomato, tomahto.

Go visit Lilu for lots of other seriously gross and sometimes just plain funny TMI stories.

My story from today takes place in college.

(Because really, college is a breeding ground for gross/embarrassing/uncomfortable stories to anonymously share on a blog.)

(Except my stories aren't anonymous. Damn.)

Sophomore year of college I lived in a dorm.

I know. Gross, yuck, puke, nasty, wretched. But it was cheaper than an apartment and my then-boyfriend lived there. I was sold.

Anyways...

One particular afternoon I was skipping class sick and decided my dorm room was not condusive to fun.

So I wandered to the boy's floor.

(Cuz there are always crazy batshit I-Can't-Believe-That-Just-Happened moments going down on the boy's floor.)

I arrived to find a large huddle of young males crowded around the entrance to the restroom.

Some guys were yelling, "Push harder!" and "Use elbow grease!"

(Because I watch too many CSI's, I immediately suspected some sort of gang rape was going on and contemplated calling 911.)

Two minutes later, the whooping and hollering ceased, and the Cleaning Lady emerged, a spatula in her hand.

Her English was broken, but when she spoke, it became quite clear what she was looking for.

"Who use last bathroom!?" she screamed at the now quite large group gathered in the hallway.

Many "not me's" and "I was in my room!" excuses floated through the crowd, until one blonde meat head hopped up on endorphins and Red Bull ended the suspense.

"Ethan!" he loudly proclaimed. "You were just in there! Hey lady, it's this guy right here!"

Cleaning Lady walked through the crowd to where Meat Head was pointing.

There Ethan stood, drunker than Lindsay Lohan during Mardis Gras and barely able to stand up. She waved the spatula in his face and spat out,

"You back up toilet with poop!" Her eyes flamed.

"Uh, no!" Ethan stammered. "It wasn't me...I don't even live on this floor."

Cleaning Lady wasn't having it.

"You back toilet up with poop! I have clean it! BIG poop too big to go down toilet. I HAD TO CHOP UP!" Cleaning Lady wailed, thrusting the spatula up and down to illustrate the chopping of the offending feces.

Ethan's already inebriated red face turned three shades redder as he sputtered out, "I'm...uh...I...I'm sorry."

Cleaning Lady looked over the rest of the crowd with disapproval as she walked over to her supplies cart. She stuffed the spatula in the cart and was off in a huff.

It's moments like those that make me understand why I have trouble going to the bathroom anywhere but my own home.